“You can' trust your feelings. You just can’t trust the volume of them.” Dr Deborah Kern
Aka - Don’t do anything crazy when you’re all worked up in the moment’.
Our feelings are often our biggest motivators to make a change.
Your feelings probably sound like "Right, that's it!, I can't take it anymore." or "I am never going back there again."
The problem with this is, that we can’t always trust our feelings, our emotions and our thoughts.
Emotions are very real and there is no doubt that you feel that way in the moment, but the truth is, the height of our feelings and emotions aren’t always based on fact and don't always reflect reality.
We are big belivers in the fact that just because you think it; just because you feel it, doesn’t make it true and doesn’t mean it is final.
Maybe your girlfriend broke up with you and you feel like no one is every going to like you again. That hurt and pain is real, but it doesn’t make it true.
Maybe you fumbled BIG time in your rugby game and everyone yelled at you. You feel like the biggest idiot and like you will never get that play right, but that doesn’t make it true.
We have to recognize that feelings come and go and take that into account next time we want to make a decision based on how we feel.
Because we at iZRA get what it’s like to be very emotional people (trust me, sometimes there is more drama in my head than a Kardashian wedding), here are some checks that I’ve put in place to stop me from making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings:
1. If you feel the same way about a situation for even 2 whole weeks, no changes, no doubts, then maybe it’s time to talk to someone about making some serious change.
Growing up, I would always change between wanting to cut my hair off and wanting to have it super long- like every week. So my Mum made a rule that if I wanted to cut my hair off for a whole month, then I could do it at the end of that time. If I changed my mind at least once in that time, I had to start counting again- my hair stayed long. Basic example, but it can save you from BIG mistakes.
2. Have someone who can tell you when you’re letting your emotions run wild.
Find someone a bit older than you who you can trust and who you can be really honest with; someone who generally makes pretty good decisions. It might be an older cousin, a teacher or a chaplain, someone who isn’t afraid to tell you when you’re being a bit of a drongo. Make a promise to yourself that you will always run big decisions by that person first, whether it’s getting back with that ex, getting a tattoo or quitting your favourite sport because you’ve had enough.
3. Remember, 'just because I think it, doesn’t make it true'.
Your feelings are valid and real, but they are just that, feelings not fact.
Hang in there!
But sometimes it's a little more serious….
If you, or someone you care about, is in crisis and you think immediate action is needed, call emergency services (triple zero – 000), contact your doctor or mental health crisis service, or go to your local hospital emergency department. Do not leave the person alone, unless you are concerned for your own safety.
To speak to someone immediately contact the beyondblue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or Lifeline 13 11 44.