So your once cuddly child who told you they loved you 50 times a day is a teenager now. We can pretty easily guess that the cuddles and the '‘I love you’s” are few and far between, so you’ve probably learnt to hold back and play it cool with your teenager. You’ve found a new normal to avoid smothering and the rejection that comes with it.
We’re also sure that there are probably still those few moments of vulnerability where you teenager remembers how much they love you and actually need the security and safety your relationship provides.
But back to playing it cool.
One of the areas you have to play it cool the most, is most likely with your teenager’s friends, right? You want to give them space to hang out with their people and you try not to come on too strong. We get it.
You might be interested to learn though, that there is one area in particular, where you teenager needs you soooo much more than their friends. No, we’re not just talking about providing their meals, clothes, education and a roof over their head.
New research has shown that your teenager needs you to help them study!
Previously, research found that parents have a calming effect in childhood when it comes to social stress and anxiety, much more than the presence of their friends. After puberty, friends can often take that place of buffering social stress and helping them feel relaxed socially.
However, new research has found that when preparing for a speech or studying for an exam, adolescents are more likely to have higher stress levels when preparing with friends or peers, than if they were to prepare with their parents. The changes in oxytocin levels were particularly noticeable in adolescent boys!
Wow!
So whether your teenager knows how to express it or not, your presence and encouragement as they prepare for the big moments in their lives is crucial.
Sure you may have to push through a lack of enthusiasm and eye rolls, but let’s remember to be the calming, affirming voice in their lives when they’re feeling vulnerable.
Everyone gravitates to people they feel calm around and you’re helping bring out the best in them!
See, they need you more than they think and probably even more than you think.
Study- Social Stress Buffering by Friends in Childhood and Adolescence: Effects on HPA and Oxytocin Activity: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5538015/