Insecurities are something that the majority of us have, but they just show themselves in different ways. Some insecurities rear their ugly heads as arrogance and douchy-ness, but are really just masking a fear of not being good enough, while other insecurities are straight up fear and you can see it a mile away. Both kinds need to be dealt with if you want to get anywhere in life.
I was super self conscious and insecure growing up, even into my first few years of uni. My insecurities were so bad that they stopped me from doing a bunch of normal things. An example of this that is SOOOO embarrassing is that I didn’t order anything from the canteen at my high school until Year 12, because I was so scared of going up there and not knowing what to do. Now I know, that is unbelievably pathetic, but that’s exactly what insecurities do, they prevent you from actually living your life.
Fear in whatever form it comes; fear of failure, fear of other people’s opinions, shame and anxiety, will ALWAYS make your life smaller.
I believe that one of the reasons so many of us deal with insecurity is because we are so darn self-obsessed. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it is important to be self aware and capable of self reflection, but when all we think about is ourselves, that is dangerous territory. It is very easy to fall into this trap, with Instagram and Snapchat and the media and all the other things we love to blame for the modern day problems we have. There comes a point though where we have to take responsibility for the people we are becoming and not hold onto those excuses anymore.
Self-obsession doesn’t always look like being overly confident and arrogant, sometimes it looks like obsessing over things and becoming anxious. Sometimes self obsession is an unhealthy focus on things like how big your thighs are, how small your muscles are, how big your pimples are, how that person looked at you sideways… *insert your insecurities here*
Take it from me, a recovering ‘self-obsesser’, this kind of focus will get you nowhere and is a slippery slope to eating disorders, exercise obsession, people pleasing, anxiety, depression and countless hours of wasted time, with lost opportunities.
It’s also really lame to hang out with a ‘self-obsesser’, because all they want to do is talk about themselves, unable to see anything else…. Or anyone else.
So do you want to hear how to stop self-obsession?
Are you ready?
Stop thinking about yourself.
Seriously, that’s it.
For whatever kind of self-obsession you have, stop focussing on yourself all the time.
A great way to think about yourself less is to find something bigger than yourself that you care about and invest into that. Sarah Silverman says “Mother Teresa didn't walk around complaining about her thighs—she had ‘stuff’ to do.”
*light bulb moment*
Maybe our issue isn’t always how to love the size of our thighs or how to be happy with what our follower to like ratio is on Instagram, maybe our issue is that we need to find some *stuff* worth doing…
If you are stuck for what that *stuff * might look like for you, then all you have to do is... FIND SOME PEOPLE TO HELP.
Who cares if it is your life’s calling or whether it looks good on your insta story, just find something bigger than yourself and throw yourself into it.
Trust me, you won’t have to look very far. There are plenty of people, organisations and causes you can help, all you need is a bit of time and a bit of care factor.
Now, I’m not saying that all of your insecurities will disappear overnight, some things we have to retrain our brain to think about, but spending less time obsessing over ourselves is a great start.
As Sarah Silverman pointed out, it’s hard to worry about whether you have a legit thigh gap or whether it’s only there when you pose on that awkward angle, when you are helping people who don’t know where their next meal is coming from!
Recovering Self- Obsessor and Founder of IZRA